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+---- Thread: Sex is always a good topic for funnies (/thread-2705.html)
Sex is always a good topic for funnies - P38 - 2005-05-01
A man bumps into a woman and says "So sorry ma'am. If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will forgive me "The lady replies: "If your dick is as hard as your elbow... I'm in room 603"
Girls reaction to penis sizes:
# 9'' - oh shit pain!
# 7'' - oh yes, yum!
# 6'' - oh perfect!
# 5'' - mmm ok!
# 4'' - push more
# 3'' - is it in?
# 2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue.
Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Airport (flat)
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake
Women are unpredictable:
Before marriage, she expects a man.
After marriage, she suspects her man.
And finally --
After his death, she respects him.
Why are married women fatter than single one's?
Singles come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed; whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.
During pregnancy:
The 1st three months, do it the normal style
Next three months do it the doggy style
And the last three months do it the wolf style --
They sit alone outside the mate's hole and howl.
All couples have different phases of sex life:
Age 20 - Day and Night
Age 28 - Every Night
Age 38 - Fri Night
Age 48 - Once a month
Age 58 - only feelings
Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX???
2% - eat
3% - smoke cigarettes
4% - take a shower
5% - go to sleep
86% - get up and go back home to their wife.
What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman?
"truck you and your law of gravity, I'm goin UP."
Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'
He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100.00 for good lay!"
Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $ 250.00"
Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency.
The angry maid says, "at least am better than you in bed."
Lady, with an amazed look asks: "Did boss tell you this?"
Maid: "No, the driver did."
What is common between a passionate kiss and a spider?
"Both lead to the undoing of the fly".
What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
"After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."
Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"
Adam: "No, I don't."
Eve (crying): "Then why did you make love to me?"
Adam: "Hello!!! As if I had other choices."
A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent. The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."
25 useless things in a man:
20 nails
02 nipples that don't milk
02 balls that you cannot play with. &
01 stop that does not lay egg.
Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after milking?
Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours & then you are left untrucked how would feel?
Policeman arrested a prostitute.
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!
Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"
Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo.